My legal name won't be included in this as I need to protect my privacy. But most online know me by my alias, Mocha Puff.

On March 4th, I was brutally assaulted by my ex boyfriend.

The night started out as a typical get-together. Things started out great; we were hanging out at my apartment, relaxing with a bottle of wine, talking, laughing, and playing video games.

 

The energy took a turn when my ex's game accidentally got unplugged from the electrical cord, causing his game to shut off abruptly, which made him very upset. He got agitated, and began unplugging everything from the electrical cord and angrily telling me that “This cannot happen anymore.” I started to get uncomfortable with the hostile tone and started packing some of my personal belongings into a purse.

I started walking toward the door because I wanted to get some air and take a walk, hoping that I could return once he had calmed down. my ex proceeded to block the door and prevented me from leaving my apartment. This pattern continued; each time I stepped forward toward the door, he blocked my way and told me to get back, and to not leave. I went into the bathroom to try and collect myself, as my anxiety was quickly increasing from the hostility. When I went back out to try to leave, again, he stopped me and only became more aggressive.

 

I returned to the bathroom and instinctively decided to call 911, leaving my phone in my purse so that the operator could hear what was going on and send help immediately.

Due to the nature of the assault, I cannot remember the entirety of the physical attack from start to finish. I do recall him forcing me to the ground and putting his hand over my mouth to prevent me from screaming. And through flashbacks that I experienced while in the hospital, I vaguely remember the first punch.

From the assault, I incurred a number of very serious injuries; two black eyes, my right eye socket was fractured, a high level of swelling and bruising over my entire face, and significant blood loss.

I am prescribed blood thinning medication, which I take daily because I received heart surgery in 2023. This medication causes me to be at higher risk for over-bleeding. Had police not broken down my door, it is safe to assume that I would have died from the blood loss alone. I received surgery for my broken eye socket during my hospitalization. I have flashes in my left eye, and am still managing much facial pain that will take several months to fully heal.

 

Additionally, the mental and emotional distress has taken a huge toll on me. I have frequent nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, and depression. I find it very difficult to trust others because this attack happened at the hands of someone with whom I placed a lot of trust in. It is difficult for me to feel comfortable in public settings because I have anxiety around people staring at my face and its injuries, as well as conversations that may come up around the assault. And even though I have relocated, I check my doors often to make sure they are locked, because I fear retaliation. I am currently seeing a therapist to aid in my processing and healing.

 

My family has also suffered a great deal of mental and emotional distress in having to witness their loved one hurt so badly by someone that I loved and trusted, someone that I introduced to my family as being someone who I could possibly spend the rest of my life with.

 

Both me and my family’s finances have taken a hit as I had to relocate for my own safety and sanity which has been costly and time consuming. A professional biohazard cleanup company was hired to clean up the blood at my old apartment and several items had to be thrown away. I have incurred medical bills from the surgery and time spent in the hospital.

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1 in 4 women has experienced some form of domestic abuse in their lifetime, and this is a very very serious issue. Society routinely shows it's lack of support and empathy for victims of domestic violence which makes it very difficult to come forward about abuse. Not only that, but abusers have a myriad of tactics to manipulate victims into staying in a situation that is harmful to them.

I would not wish this on anybody, not even the very man who assaulted me. I'm in a great deal of physical, emotional, and mental pain, I have nightmares nearly every single time I try to sleep, and the entire process of moving and seeking justice through the court system is very, very difficult.

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Please, if you are in a relationship where domestic abuse is occurring, get out as soon as you possibly can. If you are witness to domestic abuse, take some time to do a little research on ways that you can help. Call the police, be a supportive ear to friends and family when they talk to you about their situation, and use the internet to seek local domestic abuse resources.

Domestic violence takes the lives of far too many women and as a society we need to raise more awareness and hold abusers accountable.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.